Rejection

Have you ever been completely rejected by someone you loved more than life itself? You would do anything for that person. You would spend every last penny to help them pay for a chemo treatment. You'd donate a kidney or your bone marrow. You'd take their children in as your own if something happened to that loved one. You couldn't imagine life without them so much that you would give your own life for them if it came right down to it. Have you felt this way about one particular human being? More than one?

Rejection is one of the worst feelings in the world. It's one I fear more than any other. I suppose that is why I'm such a people pleaser today. However, I am resilient. I can overcome rejection with the best of them. Yet, there is someone that, if rejected by them, would devastate me to my very core. I know my heart would sink to my toes and I would wallow in my own self-pity for a long time. I never want to see the day that this one person rejects me.

Yet, I saw it happen. I am seeing it happen. Right before my eyes, as clear as day: rejection.

Now I'm left here wondering what to do. I realized how much I am disliked by this one human being. I'm not just rejected, but hated! I've come to the realization that it has been this way for a long time now, I just chose to ignore the signs. I loved this person, prayed for them and even loved their loved ones! I would have given my life. Now, I realize that had I given my life, it would have been seen as a kind gesture at best. They might never have mourned for the loss of my life. They would have looked upon my bullet wounds and said, "How ridiculous was she?" As a means of coping, I tell myself that if they saw my body, left in cold blood, that maybe they would have had a change of heart and gone to my funeral. But, that's just coping.

It's funny how we love those who will never love us in return.

I walk around my apartment and wonder why? And, where did I go wrong? Did I love too much? How could it be that I was that blind? Or was I blind? Did I just chose to ignore the blatant display of dislike, or did I really believe this individual loved me for who I was? And even though they were rough around the edges, was I so blind to think that they still cared about me? I fear it isn't the latter, but rather the first of which makes me a fool! Or am I a fool? That's what I question right now, at this very moment, in the pit of rejection. Was I a fool for loving this person who would never love me in return?

My reply might be yes. Of course! I loved an unlovable person, but that doesn't make me any better of a person. It doesn't make me special! If anything, it makes me look ridiculous in the bright and shaming lights of reality. But, maybe this is the wrong reply to my own question.

Maybe my reply is yet another question: Was Jesus a fool? Was Jesus a fool for loving every soul on this earth so much that he willingly, yes willingly died a gruesome death that every transgression, every iniquity might be paid by his blood and broken bones? Was he a fool for expecting anything in return? He experienced the most abundant form of rejection ever known to man. He was whipped with multiple whips that had broken glass on the tips of them. He was beaten with rocks, and bruised by the words of the passerby who believed him to be a thief. He was accused on multiple accounts, yet completely innocent. He walked a walk of utter shame as he carried his wooden cross up a hill far away on his broken, bleeding back- he carried his own death steak! He glanced around at the scoffers and saw a face greater than the sea of sheer rejection, disgust, dislike, hatred, and loathing. He walked a shadowy road with spit flying at his head and feet and finally reached the end. The end of which was three nails!! Two in his wrists and one in his feet. Three nails hung an innocent man to a cross to pay the ultimate price, one that would give the world eternal life if it so chose to take it. The weight of his head was too much to bare any longer, and with his last breath he uttered, "It is finished…" he laid his head to his chest and and died. With love in his heart he died willingly! No scorn filled his lips to reply to the scoffers! No shame came over him through an indecent action. He bore the ultimate rejection known to man.

Was he a fool?

Three days later, bursting forth in glorious day he came bounding from the grave of which was graded and sealed by an impossibly massive boulder. With flames of glory and light so brilliant it was devastating to see, the stone rolled away. He walked among the living with nail pierced hands and feet for forty days and forty nights, sharing love to those who still rejected him. He died a shameful death of rejection and hate, and yet through it, we… the ones who gave him rejection are saved from rejection itself.

Not so foolish.

My only prayer is that this one person of whom is still so beautiful to me, so wonderful in spite of rejection, knows who their Savior is. After all, that is all I can really do. Loving someone to the cross; it's not so foolish, it's what we were taught to do the day he died… the day he rose again.

It's been a while...

Well, it's been a while since I've been on to blog, but I am back, and have some interesting stories! Well, I think they are interesting, they might not be to whomever may read this.

About three weeks ago, I went to the most amazing event I think I have ever been to! It was a Vitamin Expo in Dallas at the Sheraton Hotel. I know, it may sound boring, but it was the most amazing weekend! I was a little disappointed when I heard that a dear friend of mine that is my vitamin cohort, so to speak, wasn't able to come! Megan is full of knowledge and I would have adored getting to spend time with her and just having someone there to share the experience with. I did, however, have a wonderful time regardless, it just wasn't quite the same.

The show began at 8:00AM on Friday. I had stayed at my sister's the night before and planned to get a cab to take me to the hotel at 7:15 the next morning. Thankfully, I didn't miss the cab, but I was darn close. I, being the blonde that I can be sometimes, set my alarm for PM instead of AM. So, I woke up at 6:45! Thirty minutes to get a shower, put on make up, dress up and look nice? I don't think so. The shower- don't judge, had to be foregone. I managed to look pretty descent in less than thirty minutes before the cab arrived. Record time for me! I thankfully got to the hotel a little early and got checked in and headed to the first lecture (Which included an amazing breakfast.)

From 8:00am to 9:00pm that day I was in lecture after lecture, after lecture! I took a little break in between lectures I didn't feel compelled to attend, but aside from that, it was a PACKED day! I believe I took more notes that whole day than I did the whole Spring semester at UNT. I'm not sure, but I'm thinking there's something wrong with that concept! Anyway, every lecture was amazing! Not that anyone cares, but I learned so much about Chaga mushrooms, fungi in the body and its effects on our daily lives, how to sell products better, I heard an amazing testimony from Jordan Rubin, founder of Garden of Life, and so much more! To make it all the more exciting and wonderful, almost every speaker was a believer! Almost all made reference to scriptures in the Bible, they would say things like, "I believe in the Creator who gave us one body...", and "God bless you all.", pretty amazing in my opinion! Come to find out the NPA (Natural Products Association) has a reputation for being strong Christians. So wonderful.

Saturday was equally as amazing. Again, the first lecture began at 8:00am and even though I'm not a morning person, I didn't care one bit that I had to be up early. Lectures lasted through 'til about 1:00pm and then the trade show began. I do not believe I have ever seen so many vendors set up in one area in my life! (And this was considered to be a small show.) There were so many people it was like sensory overload! Every sales rep was trying to get your attention, people were friendly and talkative, but I was completely overwhelmed. I managed to get through the majority of the vendors that interested me most by 3:00 and stopped to talk to a few sales reps that I already knew. I even won a door prize worth about $65.00; score! I also had so many samples my bag was overflowing and ridiculously heavy. By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I went back to my room, ordered room service and a movie and literally went to sleep at 9:00! I don't think I have been to bed that early since I was a kid!

Sunday was full of lectures from 8:00 'til noon and it all sadly had to come to a close. It ended with an amazing lecture though by Doug Kaufmann. He was a Chemist at one time, but decided to get into the whole foods and vitamins industry. He has his own TV show now and speaks fluently on the subject of Fungi. I know, you're thinking that that sounds boring, I assure you, it was the farthest from boring. I learned about so many cures for the body that relate to anti-funagls, getting rid of the mycotoxins, according to Doug, was imperative to lasting health. I wont go into detail and bore whoever may read this, but it was interesting. IF you were to be interested, you can find Doug on Facebook. You can also Google him. I encourage you to do so.

When I got back to Denton, I literally went through a separation anxiety or something! My apartment is really nice, but maybe not quite as nice as the Sheraton Hotel and I was truly depressed that the lecture were over and all the people I had met weren't there. I especially missed one of the sales reps I got to know and whom mentored me a little bit. I'm fine now, but I have to say that the first day back was tough.

I didn't even bother to unpack when I returned to Denton. I left less than 48 hours later to catch a flight to Midland! I was beyond thrilled to see my dear, dear friends, Iris, Sarah, and Megan!!! I missed them like none other!!! Inexplicably actually. I have had a blast with them and now I'm in San Antonio with my parents, helping out at the Vitamin store we bought in October. It has been a blessing to get to work and talk to customers again. I missed that as well.

For now, that is all I've got! I'm just relaxing, had fun with friends, my family, and I'll be back in Denton soon to start summer classes... Joy... But I do miss my lovely Audrey and Fanny! I also miss the climbing wall... I think I am having withdraws from it!

Anyway, blessings and shalom va shalom!

sOnShine.

Blessings

Well, it's actually been an interesting couple of days! I have some things I can write about. To my disgruntlement some events where quite unfortunate and I'm sad to say involve physical pain. Nevertheless, all ends well with some sweet blessings.

As a couple of you (that is, whoever actually reads this) may know, I am a recreational rock climber. If I had the time I'd become as serious as I could about it, however thanks to school, that isn't much of a possibility. Although, I will say that I'm getting pretty good! In fact, this past Tuesday I climbed a 5.9 rout. (Rate of difficulty starting at a 5.5 ending with a 5.13 The rates are based on the size of the hold and the difficulty of positioning) I accomplished the 5.9 pretty well. I wasn't fluent, but I got through it and made it to the top. I was really excited. I also bouldered which is a skills training exercise. It only goes up about 10ft., but tests your abilities. I started with a V0 (Like climbing a 5.10 on the tower) and did pretty well. I never mastered it like I'd hoped, but still got some good training in. Wednesday I decided to go back and boulder a little more and maybe do a few laps on the towers, but my main focus was to accomplish that V0 with precision, and I did! I made it through about four times, actually! Sadly, I get the bright idea to climb a V1 (Like climbing a 9.11 or 9.12 on the towers). I didn't do so well. I couldn't get past about half way, but being the overachiever that I am I tried, and tried until my body gave out. Finally, I gave up, did some cardio and went home. Apparently I strained a little too much on that V1, because when I got home my back began to hurt... Not just a little bit, a lot. I hadn't had so much pain since I was an avid figure skater, and even then it night not could compare to yesterday's pain. I called my sister who is a Physical Therapist and she told me everything I needed to do and what might be wrong. We are PRAYING, as I hope you will be doing also for me, that it is merely muscular. It seems as though I've just strained my lower back muscles. There is- and I pray it's not- a chance it could be a disc issue, but the Lord is larger than life and can take pain and eliminate it immediately. Though, this morning was far from fun. I woke up with the same amount of pain. Thankfully, it has dwindled a little as the day has gone on thanks to ice, heat, and ibuprofen- lots of ibuprofen.

Although that might seem like a downer, and it is because I have to spend about 2-3 weeks off the rock wall and bouldering wall, today ended so very well. A close friend of my dad's, Jeff, was in town from Indiana and asked if he could take Kasey and me and treat us to dinner. It was such a blessing, A. because he's a wonderful man and very enjoyable to be around, and B. because I'm running low on cash... and food. I wont lie, the free meal was needed! The conversation and the time we got to spend with him, however, was much more needed. He's a man of integrity, cordiality, and great respect; someone Kasey and I both look up to as a mentor and friend. He and his family have been through the fires of our lives and stayed by our side no matter the circumstance. I love them all. I pray fervently that the Lord would continue to bless them in every way and keep them all close to His heart. How they've influenced us with such a true, endearing friendship, I can hardly begin to describe. I can only hope and pray that my friendships in life reflect the one they have bestowed on us so willingly. Honestly, the way they genuinely love people is a reflection on how Christ expects us to love each other. Whether or not they see it that way, I don't know, but that is how I see it, which makes it all the more special to me.

Life is truly all about loving people. There isn't much else. In loving people in spite of their flaws and idiosyncrasies, there is a real joy. A joy that comes from the Spirit, for it is He who allows us to love unconditionally, for He loves us unconditionally. It is hard to imagine that HE loves without error when we screw up so much, but oh how true it is. If that isn't love, then the ocean is dry, there's no stars in the sky, and the sparrow can't fly. If that isn't love, then heaven's a myth, there's no feeling like this if that isn't love. Hallelujah is the only word that floods my tongue on the subject of His love for us. Hallelujah.

Now it's off to bed I go with pain meds and a thankful heart. Couldn't get much better than that, I assure you!

How well can Jentry keep up with a blog? We shall see!

Well, let's just see how I keep up with this blog! The last time I tried to keep a blog was in junior high on Xanga and it didn't work out too well for me. I guess I just don't have anything particularly interesting to write about. Granted there are the ditzy moments, awkward conversations and situations, and unfortunate mishaps, but aside from that, there really isn't much. Nevertheless, I'll see how this Blogspot goes!

I must admit that this weekend has been interesting. For the first time this semester I have had a weekend where I could do nothing and not feel guilty about it. The most productive thing I have done is work out and clean. I did get board at one point and decided to study for my Nutrition class. Interesting concept, I get board and decide to study? Oh well, at least I got something done. But, I have mostly watched House, Facebook stalked, and actually enjoyed a good fun-read book. It couldn't get much better than that.

Although, I will say that Friday night was eventful and an absolute blast! Probably the most fun I've had in a while. Sigma Phi Lambda had a mixer with BYX. The theme you ask? Mock rave. It was fantastic. On Thursday everyone splattered white T-shirts with neon acrylic paints and wore them on Friday night with a crazy getup. Some painted their faces and arms and others just wore brightly colored accessories that would show up well in the black lights. To be honest, I wasn't expecting the party to be as crazy as it was. Crazy good of course, but nevertheless crazy. When I walked into the house all I saw were stark white T-shirts and glow sticks jumping around in black light darkness. Had you been a stranger and walked in on the party, you would have thought it to be a real rave. Every lightbulb was converted to a black light or a strobe light, the music was- well just like you'd hear at a rave, todays songs with a techno party twist, and there was far too much food of course. I have to say it is so nice to go to a party that is clean and safe, no drugs, alcohol, or sex. It goes to show that you can have an awesome time with nothing but friends, music, black lights, and food! Kudos to Phi Lamb's new vice-presidant and BYX guys for the idea of a mock rave. I never would have imagined it to be as fun as it was, but I was wrong, it was a blast. If you ever get a chance to go to a mock rave, do it. I have to say it might not top Phi Lamb and BYX's version, but it'll be worth going to!

Now to end my weekend with dinner and bubble tea shared with a good friend. Bliss.